Do we ask enough?

"You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it."
John 14:14

Our church recently revived an important ministry - the ministry of intercession. It is called J333, a weekly 1-hour prayer meeting. J333 stems from Jeremiah 33:3 and is not just about the revival of a ministry. It is about a revival of the individual.

Week after week, I see the Holy Spirit moving and touching the lives of those who attend the prayer sessions and the lives that are being prayed for. A revival is clearly coming. Praise the Lord!

These happenings stem from what the Lord has promised His children in the first place....."I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son." (John 14:13)

If we are willing to "call to Him, He will answer us and tell us great and unsearchable things we do not know." (Jer 33:3)

Praying and asking in Jesus' name brings forth fruits that will glorify Abba Father. It gives us wisdom to live our lives in the way the Creator has planned for us.

Are you willing to spend 1 minute every hour to talk to Him?

Join in the revival; start to pray and ask in His Name!

God bless.

Steven

Keys to Family Power (Conclusion)

Conclusion!

Thank you for journeying with me for the last 7 weeks on the 7 keys to family power.

Let's conclude by reviewing the keys again.

Key#1 - Pray of one another. When you pray for one another, you release the power of God upon each other.

Key#2 - Accepting each other ... as an unique and beloved creation of our Heavenly Father. This will change the way you treat one another.

Key#3 - Speak well of each other. Praises and good words release tremendous love and confidence in your family members.

Key#4 - Have fun in the family. Remember, a merry heart makes good medicine. Live joyfully with each other.

Key#5 - Accept and Reconcile Differences. The six most useful words ..."I am wrong, please forgive me."

Key#6 - Communicate. Listen more, talk less. Talk about things that matter to your spouse's and children's hearts.

Key#7 - Investing in ourselves. Remember, love is spelt T-I-M-E. Spend quality time with the family.

I hope that my sharing has helped you somewhat. They are not magical charms. The keys need to be acted upon. The choice lies with each of us.

I pray that you will have a family that is filled with the love and power of God so that you will be effective for His Kingdom's work.

God bless.

Steven

Keys to Family Power (7)

Key # 7 - Investing in Ourselves - The Returns are High!

Most of us invest our monetary asset. We know that at the very least, we need to put our money in a bank to earn interest rather than leave it idling. Others invest in antiques, or stocks and shares etc. We all invest with the expectation of a return in investment. Companies talk about investing in their staff, they train them and give them opportunities in hope that these people will have bring in good business for the company.

But have we all given thoughts to investing in ourselves and our family ? Do we invest in areas that have the potential to bring joy to the family and similarly,? Do we avoid areas that will bring pain ? Stephen Covey in his book "First Things First" opens with an prologue that stated that most people on their death bed would never say " I wish I had spent more time in my office". Rather, they often say, "I wish I had spent more time with my family."

We must feel and have an urgent need to invest in our family. We must do this on a daily basis in order to have power in the family. The family must be our priority over work and friends.

What should we invest in ?

1. Invest our time - Billy Joe Daugherty, Pastor of Victory Christian Centre (who wrote the original Seven Keys to Family Power and from which my sharing has been based on) teaches that love is spelt as T-I-M-E. I absolutely agree with him. We must show love to our family by having valuable time invested in them. Pray with them, play with them cry with them and grow with them.

2. Invest our energy - Many of us are guilty of spending all our energy outside the family. We sap up so much of our energy in the office, then with friends or for our own recreation that by the time we go home, we are completely worn out. Often, we tell our spouse and children that we are dead tired and they should not bother us. We must therefore live a balanced life by first having a priority set up and following it. I am emphasising a balanced priority and do not wish to be misunderstood for promoting the extreme of "family-only" lifestyle.

3. Invest in creativity - Life in the family need not be boring at all. This is an especially difficult concept for Asian families. By tradition and up bringing, we tend to over curb creativity. The home must be a lively place. Routine always bores just as creativity always surprises and keeps the family going. We need to learn to put creativity in all our activities; when we pray, when we play and when we teach.

4. Invest our love - Presents or Presence ? In my own experience, my family appreciates my presence with them much more than they do my presents (which I still give). However, for many others, their affections are often on things rather than on people. I still cuddle and hug my children (my eldest daughter is 25 this Dec) as it was when they were very young. I still pray with my youngest daughter at night in her room as much as I can... And most importantly (I strongly encourage all husbands to do this), I kiss my wife and tell her I love her every night that I lay on bed with her.

Suggestions for practice:

1. Make a determined effort to WANT to invest in our family - invest time and love.

2. Leave your work at the office at the end of the day, after giving an honest day's worth of your effort.

3. Allocate time for each of your family member every week. And let those time be wholly theirs!

4. Shower your family with your words of love, hugs and kisses, a listening ear and surprises (an unexpected gift, a treat etc).

I will conclude this sharing next week on 4th Nov.

Keys to Family Power (6)

Key # 5 - Communication - Talk good talks in the family

Ephesians 4:29 instructs us - "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."

Communication is a tricky and complex art. People communicate by both their actions and tone of voice. But more importantly, is the content, and the context of what is being communicated.

To communicate is to mutually understand one another. It is not simply the passing of information, as most of the world would see it. Deep communication involves issues that matter to the parties who are communicating. In my experience, I find it extremely satisfying for both my wife and I to talk about things that matter to our life, our family and our service to God, rather than spend time on gossips and small talks about the weather or the latest soap opera on TV.

Unfortunately, many couples spend very little of their talking time over issues of the heart. In many families, communications amongst members are limited to very shallow matters. They talk about issues that do not have impacts on the depth of the family relationship. And in those cases, while there can be lots of talks, there is actually little communication between them. Consequently, the chance to "build each other up" is lost.

Family communication should be on things that impact how we feel deeply in our heart. These include thoughts about our future, about how we would like to bring up the children, about the children's desires, fears and aspirations and most importantly, about our perception of what are the family's priorities and God's directions for the family. Ephesians 4:29 is a simple but clear instruction to this end.

Last but not least, communication is being able to listen attentively and compassionately to others. Often, we cut short what our children or what our spouse want to tell us because "we know better". Let us remember that we all want and like to be heard. Therefore, we must learn to listen compassionately so that the other party will feel loved and important. This is real communication.

Let us all practise God's intended mode of communication for our family by spending adequate time to talk about issues of the heart and to listen with compassion to each of our family member when they talk.

Suggestions for practice.

1. Practice listening without interrupting - this is not as easy as you think and hence, it needs practice.

2. Always find the positive spin on a conversation - look at the positive side and give the benefit of doubt to what you hear.

3. If there is nothing better to say, don't say anything - it will save you lots of trouble by holding your tongue.

4. Every day, find time to talk to your spouse and children - talk about what matters to them (find out what matters to them in the first place.)

5. Don't offer advice unless you are asked to give it, instead, offer your ears and focused attention - you will be appreciated (this is one of the hardest thing for me to learn as I constantly think that my children need a solution every time they bring a problem to me - how far wrong I am. They just wanted me to listen to them!)


Next week on 27th Oct, I will share the last key, which is about investing in ourselves.

Keys to Family Power (5)

Key # 5 - Accept / Reconcile Differences

We must always remember that God created each of us in His Image and we are perfectly unique. You cannot find another one just like you (thank God!). As such, we do have differences; differences in our view of life, in our character, in our habits, in our opinion and so on. Such differences are healthy, as long as we can accept them or are able to reconcile them. This is one of the most vital keys to achieving power in the family.

1 Peter 3:10 expounds, "....Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech."

The tongue usually plays up differences between spouses and amongst family members. One careless word spoken against your spouse or children could create a wild fire that can burn beyond control. Strife and quarrels follow.... anger, hatred and unforgiveness result. A family breaks! Can we see the sequence? Little wonder why Peter specifically taught that if we would love life, we MUST keep our tongue from evil.

The bible tells us that the prayer of a righteous man avails much. Conversely, the prayers coming from one who argues, fights and fusses will be hindered. Remember this - we cannot overcome by positive confessions, what we have already destroyed by our negative words and actions! It is pointless to confess blessings, peace and prosperity if our daily life is filled with strife and bitterness. Unless, yes, unless there is repentance and seeking forgiveness from the ones we have hurt by our careless words.

So what do we need to do? One absolutely vital contribution to a harmonious family relationship is the ability to say, "I was wrong, please forgive me." This cuts across age and position in the family. My wife and I say that to our children whenever we wronged them. By showing the example, the children learn to do the same whenever they make mistakes. And most importantly, avoid making those mistakes in the first place.

Our human weaknesses will continue to manifest themselves time and again. There will be times that we will still get angry at each other or disagree with each other. And when we do, let us always remember the reconciliation instructions given in Eph 4:26 "...Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry." Make it a habit to reconcile your differences with your spouse, children and siblings as soon as it is practical. Keep short accounts; do not carry the anger and associated burden beyond the burst of our temper. Do not allow the molehill to transform itself into a mountain.

Keeping our tongues from evil is a sure prevention against family strife. Combined with Key # 3 - Speak well of each other, this practice will surely contribute to harmony and power in the family.

Suggestions for practice:

1. Pray daily, preferably in the morning, for God’s help to guard our tongues from careless and hurtful words.

2. Pray also for His help to be quick to listen and slow to speak and quick to forgive and slow to “return fire”.

3. If you fall and said something silly, confess to the person you said those words too and seek forgiveness. Pray together and ask the other person to pray for you to over come this weakness.

4. If you are the recipient of careless words, do not retaliate. Instead, pray for the person who said those words and have a heart of forgiveness. After all, he or she is your loved one!

What is your opinion? Tell us by clicking "Comments"...

The next key is about communication within the family. Coming on 20th Oct.

Keys for Family Power (4)

Key # 4 - Fun in the Family

Joy is an unmistakable evidence of those who have Jesus in their heart. This joy comes from an intimate relationship with Jesus in our daily walk. This joy is a direct derivative of “the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, which will guard our hearts and our minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:7).

If we get this notion right, our Christian home will never be filled with heaviness and somberness, even in difficult circumstances. If the family exhibits no joy, there is no joy in each member.

John 10:10 says "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."

Living life to the full, or abundantly in KJV, means being able to enjoy life. I have never seen a miserable person enjoy his or her state of misery. But for those who are living life fully, joy is a prime disposition. In the same way, we must encourage abundant life in our family. Let there be joy, sounds of laughter, light-heartedness in our home. We have to make a conscious and determined effort for this to happen.

Many of us work and are tired after a full day in the office. And when we go home, we bring along our tiredness. Joy is gone and anger sets in. Family cracks...can you see the source, the sequence and the consequence.

We must learn to have fun in the family...making our home a place of fun and laughter is a conscious decision. The family members must work at it. It is needful that each member realizes how important it is to have fun and to enjoy each other. Laugh, and laugh lots ...laughter is, after all, the best medicine. It is definitely better to laugh (and then teach) when our children (or ourselves) make a mistake than to condemn. The mistake has been done, the consequence depends on our reaction thereafter...to laugh and learn or to get angry and cause hurt.

Often times when my family gets together, we reminisce funny things that have happened in the past and laugh over it. Doing that always brings remembrance about the good times that we had shared and this builds and strengthens the bond.

Fun is always welcome. Fun always builds up relationship. Let us all decide consciously to make our home a place of fun and laughter.

Suggestions for practice:

1. Decide that you want to have fun with the family.
2. Start by learning to live work where it belongs – at the office. When you step into your home, remember that you have decided to want to enjoy each other at home.
3. Be funny, even if you have to practice it, do so. Practice makes perfect. Joy and laughter must be spontaneous and come from the heart.
4. Whenever you about to lash out at a family member, take a deep breadth and laugh out loud – you will be amazed how that calms you down. Then tackle the problem with a light heart.
5. Plan for family activities that will bring fun. And do it with them!

Please feel free to share your experience by clicking "Comments" below. Coming up on 13th Oct.

Keys to Family Power (3)

Key # 3 - Speak well of each other

"The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life, but violence overwhelms the mouth of the wicked." Proverbs 10:11

Words have awesome power, either to build or to destroy. Each of our family members can get uplifted or demeaned by words that we speak. Cutting remarks, careless words, cynical comments and constant criticisms erode the foundation of a solid marriage or family relationship. On the other hand, courteous words, praises, constructive advice and constant encouragement establish a strong relationship at home.

Think of a time when you were really elated when you were praised for something you had done well. Isn't that a wonderful feeling...even by just thinking over it?

And similarly, think of a time when reckless words were spoken against you. If we do not like being criticized, let us not deliver criticism to our loved ones. Spouses often pass careless remarks about each other and kid about them. I encourage this to be stopped, as there is really no fun at all passing careless words about each other and to each other. These careless remarks will come to haunt us, especially when times are rough. And for those with young children, take serious note that they will think, “If pa and ma do that, so can we.”

We must also learn not to retaliate when one of our own speaks careless words to us. I have learned this after 26 years of being married. Arguing never help.

1 Pet 3:8-9 says "Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. “ Let us learn to bless with our mouth and not curse.

When Michelle and I were in our early years of marriage, I insisted on settling what were wrongly spoken always. Inevitably, every of those situations ended up in a quarrel or even in a cold war for a few days. I have learned that when I am at the receiving end of angry and harsh words, I pray in tongues rather than argue...it works wonders as the Holy Spirit convicts both of us. And by praying, God also convicts both hearts to be more tolerant and forgiving. When I begin to pray, Michelle begins to pray too and once we are both properly “connected” with God, our anger subsides and we forgive each other and move on in love.

I am a firm believer of the importance of self-esteem. We need to constantly deposit good things into our family's self-esteem account so that during the rough times, we will all have enough to withdraw from it and make it through. On the contrary, if we continually depreciate our own family members with criticisms, we will get to a point where we cannot find a reason for the family to stay together.

When was the last time you praise your spouse, your children, or your domestic helper? Start doing it and feel the pleasure of speaking well of each other and reap the benefits. Speaking well of others speaks well of you.

Suggestions for practice.

1. Pray daily that God will help you to speak well of your family members.

2. Every morning, as you get out of bed, speak something good about your spouse.

3. Similarly, find something that you can praise your children for and praise them either individually or when the family meets together, eg, during dinner time.

Please feel free to share your experience by clicking "Comments" below.

Key # 4 is about having fun in the family. Coming up on 6th Oct.

Keys to Family Power (2)

Key # 2 - Accepting each other

God gave the biggest example of all in that when we were most unacceptable, He accepted us. Romans 5:8 says, "But God commended His love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."

Anything less of that unconditional acceptance by God, you and I would burn in hell forever. But glory to God, He didn't wait until we got right but while we were yet sinners, He extended His love to us.

In the world today, many people struggle with the lack of acceptance and rejection; rejection at the work place, rejection by friends, rejection by family members, and even self-rejection. These have profound impact on our loved ones if rejections are also present in our homes. The world is already filled with endless criticisms and judgments. It is therefore so very important that Christians accept each other as God had accepted us - unconditionally. This is the fuel for our fire as we face the critical world today. But if there is no unconditional acceptance even at home, where is the motivation to live?

We all need to learn that each of us is different and may have our own opinions and views. And therefore, we need to be able to accept the differences. The biggest step to gain acceptance is to accept. We need to accept others without trying to make them change. We need to learn how to avoid the "because of ...." kind of love or "if you do this..." kind of love. How often we hear parents tell their children "I love you if you do well in your exams". How do you think the child feels if he did not make the grade ?

Jesus accepted and loved all His disciples, even Judas Iscariot. He accepted them all, unconditionally and as they were. We must be conscious that we need to accept and love our family members unconditionally. It is called the "in spite of ..." love.

Be clear that I am not talking about accepting sinful behaviors. When God accepted us while we were yet sinners, He also expects us to change by aligning our heart to Him. He gives the strength and motivation for us to change. In the same way, we must give motivation and strength for our family members to change.

Only then will we be able to build strong self-esteem in our family, and then build powerful and loving family for God. Let us start practicing it today!

Suggestions for practice.

1. Write down the areas of your family members’ lives that you do not like but yet you have accepted.

2. Write down the areas of your family member’s lives that you have yet to accept or are still constantly rejecting.

3. Looking at the two lists, thank God for His strength to allow you to accept the first list and then commit to God the areas that you need to learn to accept on the second list.

4. Talk to your spouse and children about each others' list and pray over the areas and commit each other to the Lord.

Next Key .. Speak Well of Each Other - coming on 29th Sep.

Keys to Family Power

Introduction

There are 7 keys to build power in your family that I will be sharing - one key a week. It is NOT my sharing that will help your family. Only YOU can help to bring power to your family. How? By digesting and practicing the keys. So, the format of my sharing will be 1) giving the basis of the key, and 2) giving suggestions for you to practice the key each week.

I have experience good results with the practice and I assure you that you will also experience the same if you practice the keys diligently.

Today, I begin to share the first key ... and glory to God for giving us our family and the strength and wisdom for us to build powerful families for His kingdom.

Key # 1 - Pray for one another

Prayer is key. When Christians pray for one another, they release the power of God upon each other.

Prayer will stop the envy, strife, confusion and selfish ambition. Prayer kills the causes for broken families - "For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and every evil practice." James 3:16. Many of us may have experienced how envy and selfish ambition have tried to destroy our family and so can relate to this to some degree.

When you pray for another (and by this I mean that the family prays together), it is difficult to criticize or fight each other. The Holy Spirit just does not allow the "praying for" and "fighting against" each other to co-exist. Something spiritual happens when we constantly pray - our own attitude is changed, and that will make us better partners for our family members to live together with. And when we constantly pray together as a family, all our attitude undergo the same change - for the better.

Most importantly, when we pray together, the spirit of prayer gets into us and allows God to mould us.

When the family members pray together, the act itself binds them together. In the flowery language of old, Ecclesiastes 4:12 tells us that ".....A three-fold cord is not quickly broken." Interestingly, the physical world has adopted a Godly principle of a three party relationship - take a look at the ropes that are used up to today - they are made of three cords bound into one and it is proven to have the best strength.

The three-fold cord is used as a physical representation of our relationship with God and our family. Unless we have God as the third party in our family, it will be a long hard struggle to have a happy family.

And lastly, when we pray for each other in the family, we defend each other - yet another important key to having family power. When we pray with the family, we create a wall of defense against spiritual attacks around our family.

To have a Godly and successful family relationship, we need to pray for and pray with the family constantly. Start now.

Suggestions for practice .

1. Start praying with your spouse, if you are not already doing so. Start to pray, holding each others' hand for 5 minutes a day either in the morning or before bed time.

2. Concentrate on praying for each other rather than for your own needs. Do not pray over negative traits of your spouse (it becomes like a complaint about your spouse to God - don't do that). Pray for the positive aspects of each other, eg, for your spouse's ministry, for God to multiply your spouse's goodness etc.

3. Add one more prayer time (twice a day). Use the second prayer time to pray for the children. Pray specifically for each of them.

4. Get all in the family to pray at least once in the week. Ask each member to pray for each other specifically. You may ask each member to say what area they need prayer support in. If this is not possible, then at least pray with each child individually, eg., before their bedtime or during meal time.

Next key ... Accepting Each Other - will be posted on 22 Sep.