Keys to Family Power (6)

Key # 5 - Communication - Talk good talks in the family

Ephesians 4:29 instructs us - "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."

Communication is a tricky and complex art. People communicate by both their actions and tone of voice. But more importantly, is the content, and the context of what is being communicated.

To communicate is to mutually understand one another. It is not simply the passing of information, as most of the world would see it. Deep communication involves issues that matter to the parties who are communicating. In my experience, I find it extremely satisfying for both my wife and I to talk about things that matter to our life, our family and our service to God, rather than spend time on gossips and small talks about the weather or the latest soap opera on TV.

Unfortunately, many couples spend very little of their talking time over issues of the heart. In many families, communications amongst members are limited to very shallow matters. They talk about issues that do not have impacts on the depth of the family relationship. And in those cases, while there can be lots of talks, there is actually little communication between them. Consequently, the chance to "build each other up" is lost.

Family communication should be on things that impact how we feel deeply in our heart. These include thoughts about our future, about how we would like to bring up the children, about the children's desires, fears and aspirations and most importantly, about our perception of what are the family's priorities and God's directions for the family. Ephesians 4:29 is a simple but clear instruction to this end.

Last but not least, communication is being able to listen attentively and compassionately to others. Often, we cut short what our children or what our spouse want to tell us because "we know better". Let us remember that we all want and like to be heard. Therefore, we must learn to listen compassionately so that the other party will feel loved and important. This is real communication.

Let us all practise God's intended mode of communication for our family by spending adequate time to talk about issues of the heart and to listen with compassion to each of our family member when they talk.

Suggestions for practice.

1. Practice listening without interrupting - this is not as easy as you think and hence, it needs practice.

2. Always find the positive spin on a conversation - look at the positive side and give the benefit of doubt to what you hear.

3. If there is nothing better to say, don't say anything - it will save you lots of trouble by holding your tongue.

4. Every day, find time to talk to your spouse and children - talk about what matters to them (find out what matters to them in the first place.)

5. Don't offer advice unless you are asked to give it, instead, offer your ears and focused attention - you will be appreciated (this is one of the hardest thing for me to learn as I constantly think that my children need a solution every time they bring a problem to me - how far wrong I am. They just wanted me to listen to them!)


Next week on 27th Oct, I will share the last key, which is about investing in ourselves.