Key # 3 - Speak well of each other
"The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life, but violence overwhelms the mouth of the wicked." Proverbs 10:11
Words have awesome power, either to build or to destroy. Each of our family members can get uplifted or demeaned by words that we speak. Cutting remarks, careless words, cynical comments and constant criticisms erode the foundation of a solid marriage or family relationship. On the other hand, courteous words, praises, constructive advice and constant encouragement establish a strong relationship at home.
Think of a time when you were really elated when you were praised for something you had done well. Isn't that a wonderful feeling...even by just thinking over it?
And similarly, think of a time when reckless words were spoken against you. If we do not like being criticized, let us not deliver criticism to our loved ones. Spouses often pass careless remarks about each other and kid about them. I encourage this to be stopped, as there is really no fun at all passing careless words about each other and to each other. These careless remarks will come to haunt us, especially when times are rough. And for those with young children, take serious note that they will think, “If pa and ma do that, so can we.”
We must also learn not to retaliate when one of our own speaks careless words to us. I have learned this after 26 years of being married. Arguing never help.
1 Pet 3:8-9 says "Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. “ Let us learn to bless with our mouth and not curse.
When Michelle and I were in our early years of marriage, I insisted on settling what were wrongly spoken always. Inevitably, every of those situations ended up in a quarrel or even in a cold war for a few days. I have learned that when I am at the receiving end of angry and harsh words, I pray in tongues rather than argue...it works wonders as the Holy Spirit convicts both of us. And by praying, God also convicts both hearts to be more tolerant and forgiving. When I begin to pray, Michelle begins to pray too and once we are both properly “connected” with God, our anger subsides and we forgive each other and move on in love.
I am a firm believer of the importance of self-esteem. We need to constantly deposit good things into our family's self-esteem account so that during the rough times, we will all have enough to withdraw from it and make it through. On the contrary, if we continually depreciate our own family members with criticisms, we will get to a point where we cannot find a reason for the family to stay together.
When was the last time you praise your spouse, your children, or your domestic helper? Start doing it and feel the pleasure of speaking well of each other and reap the benefits. Speaking well of others speaks well of you.
Suggestions for practice.
1. Pray daily that God will help you to speak well of your family members.
2. Every morning, as you get out of bed, speak something good about your spouse.
3. Similarly, find something that you can praise your children for and praise them either individually or when the family meets together, eg, during dinner time.
Please feel free to share your experience by clicking "Comments" below.
Key # 4 is about having fun in the family. Coming up on 6th Oct.
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